beautiful and true

My marriage with Mark is beautiful because it’s real and honest and true.  It’s hard and good, oh so good.

For some time now, I’ve wanted to write a bit about marriage, specifically my marriage.  I write about mothering — the good, the bad and the ugly — and I can wax poetically about my Little Ones.  I write for a number of reasons, but often it is just as much a tribute to these Little Ones and a way to remember our journey together.  My desire to write marriage stuff is not unlike this, too.  I am often moved, sometmes to tears, by reading other’s writings about living out marriage together, and I know that I have things to say about it, too.

But.

I find that I have shied away from this.  I have yet to stick as much as a toe into the waters and I am afraid of what lurks underneath.  I am afraid — afraid mostly of what you will think.  I am afraid that I will come off as condescending, as if we have it all figured out, this perfect package of marriage.  I am afraid that it will be too real — will I have crossed some unspoken boundary?  I am afraid that I will embarrass my husband, he of deeply private sentiments.  Too, I’m afraid of what I might discover.  I am afraid of what I will learn about myself.

Isn’t it interesting, how this topic of marriage can seem taboo?  Most of us are neck deep in these trenches, much like with parenting, but other than an occasional rant about the sink full of dishes or a funny story about daddy-style parenting, I find that it is uncommon to discuss our married lives.  To go deep in talking about real marriage, even with our closest of friends, is hard.  It is ok to admit our parenting challenges, our gaffes and our successes, to share stories here and in person that illuminate the truest shades of mothering.  But brag a bit about my husband?  Write honestly about what makes our relationship so thick and so worn and so good?  I’m just not sure it is encouraged in the same way.

I’m going to think about this one a bit more, decide if it’s something worth writing out, working through in this public space, or if it is writing that I might just keep to myself.  Until then, I will share with you some who are bravely, and beautifully, doing just this.

Sarah Bessey at Emerging Mummy writes occasionally about what their love looks like.  Here are a two of my favorites: In which [love looks like] a real marriage and In which [love looks like] a handmade bed.  Oh, and this one to: In which our [love looks like] 10 years of moments. 

Also, Amber at The RunAmuck and her husband have been writing marriage letters to one another.  Here is a good one: On the Sexy.

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