In 2011 I chose a word, an intention, to guide the moments that would make up my year. It was my challenge to breathe, to let my body set the pace. I wrote about it, sometimes. The breath that pushed me, stretched me. It also slowed me down. I learned about mindfulness, about the present moment. And I learned to accept my needs and limitations.
As January dawned (and now is growing towards February), I’ve been slow to grasp and hold a word for 2012. I had hesitations, unsure even about my transition to mom of three. And that is the beauty of the new year, too — we never know all that it will become for us. But now I have it: enough. It has chosen me as much as I have chosen it.
Enough — because what I have, what I give is enough. Enough — because my house is clean, enough. Enough — because everyone is clothed, and fed, and loved, yes, well loved, and that is enough. Enough — because no matter how much I try, and work, and plan, it can seem like it’s not enough. Because this work of mothering, of being a woman, and a wife, is hard. Because it’s bigger than me, always. Because I often feel like I don’t have enough — enough lap, enough patience, enough time, enough tenderness, enough hands, enough of me.
It is acceptance of my imperfection and offering up these failures. It is my hands full of inadequacies, all the ways that I don’t meet the mark, knowing that it is still enough. As I utter “enough” it is the intersection of reality and Grace in my life. It is the loaves and the fishes — it is giving what I have, knowing that in His transforming power, it is enough. It commands my faith to know what He can do with my “enough” — Because He is Enough.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9