home, my island

Today I was without a car.  I’ve been at home with the two little ones, and frankly, last night when I was anticipating our day, it  loomed large and blank in front of me. I was overwhelmed with the hours.  Now, I have mentioned before how unscheduled we generally are.  And mostly, this works for us. It gives us flexibility in how we use our time, unstructured, no pressure.  But the idea of not even leaving the house?  See, the problem with where we live is that I depend on my car.  We do not live in a “town;” no sidewalks here, linking us to the world.  We do not even live in a neighborhood where we could take a leisurely stroll, maybe bump into some folks.  Nope, we live on a pretty major road, on a serious hill.  (These are all things that didn’t matter to me before I had kids.  Now I have a different checklist).  We are legitimately stuck at home.

Oh, and I know — there are days when this challenge would actually excite me.  All those rainy day projects I’d been holding onto would finally make their debuts and the kids would be excited to unleash their inner Picasso.  Or I would check out the pantry and pull together a baking marathon that would  cover my kitchen (and the little helpers) in flour, passing the morning and resulting in tasty treats as reward.  But today all of these things felt exhausting.  All I could see was more mess to clean up, more chores to do, more whining to ensue.  (Some days are just like that, aren’t they?)

The kids were great today.  The weather was beautiful.  We read lots of books, did lots of puzzles.  Trucks, trains, make-believe stew.  There were squabbles over taking turns, sharing toys.  I was a human jungle-gym more than I like.  Our dinner plan was foiled when I discovered that the chicken I was counting on had spoiled, and I had no way to get new chicken.  It wasn’t the best day we’ve ever had, but it certainly wasn’t the worst.   I have to remind myself that sometimes it’s OK not to be super-mom.  I wasn’t bored out of my mind, and neither were the kids.  They surprised me, and I was there for them. We did fine.  Sometimes that’s what it is — fine.

The call came around 4pm that it looked like my car was needed on-loan for another day.  Though we made it through fine today, my husband and I scrambled to find a way for me to have a car tomorrow.  I know my limitations, and though we have no glorious plans for the day tomorrow, an outing to the library or the playground, or even the bank, is a necessity.  I’m not going to press my luck.  I’m getting out of here tomorrow.


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