I love emotions. Truly I do. The range and depth of stuff that we are created to feel is crazy. I am an emotional being, with my own surges of highs and lows, ebbs and flows. True to the red-headed nature that I bear, I am often a passionate torrent. What this means is that I generally feel really strongly, sometimes good and sometimes not-so good.
Lately, I’ve been making my own storm. I’ve been grumpy. I’ve had opinions, strong ones, over silly small things, creating arguments where there needn’t be ones. I’ve been blustery with the people I’m with. Yes, it has been a rainy overcast week here, and I’m sure part of my being feels a need to mirror this landscape. But I also know there is a part of me that just needs to embrace gloom for a moment. It doesn’t do me any good to force that cloud down, hide it under some blankets, and put on a smiley face. I know myself better than that. I’m only asking for trouble, because that storm will sneak it’s way out, and in the most unwanted of places, and there can often be a higher price to pay.
This passion, right now wrapped up in my internal storm, has brilliance, too. Brightness and light. These are things I’ve experienced and felt just as deeply, and are also why I’m OK with my funk right now. I know that if I let myself be, feel what it is that I want to feel, I’ll come around. In being true to my storm, I can also truly know the beauty and peace that comes after it. If I faked my way through my tougher days, than somehow there would be a veneer to the joy, too.
Today, though I’m still brewing. With no real target to my emotions, I am going to allow myself the space to swirl about. I’m tending to keep to myself until I land on solid ground again. And I have every confidence that I will have joy to the same degree.