retreat

Today begins an adventure for me.  I’m leaving this evening for a full weekend away from my family.  I’ve never done this before — never even had an overnight away from the little ones.  To say that I’m a bit ambivalent about the whole scheme is an understatement.

Let me be clear by saying that I completely, 100%, without a doubt know that my husband is more than capable of handling this.  He is a very involved, amazing father.  I don’t have to tell him about our routines because he already knows them and is a part of them.  My hesitation comes from my own inability to give up control.  I began writing a list of meal and snack possibilities, then quickly threw it away.  Luckily, I came to my senses before I inadvertently betrayed a lack of confidence in my husband.  I have the utmost confidence in him.

I worry about the littlest — she is still nursing, though not much.  I’m afraid of two things:  that she’ll be a mess without nursing at bedtime and will have a difficult time going to sleep.  Or that she will not care at all about nursing, and upon my return will have decided that she no longer wants to.  I’m not ready for that.

I worry about the eldest — though he often feigns to not care for me, I know that we are deeply attached.  He is also a little boy of routine.  He thrives on structure, on predictability.  I’m not sure how he’ll react.  This is clearly well out of our routine.

I’m sad to be missing out on this family time with them, but I am thankful. Thankful to have some space of my own — to think, to pray, to read, to sleep.  To just be on my own.  To enjoy the companionship of my girl friends.  Thankful for my willing husband, whom I know will relish this time with his little ones.  Thankful that he is eager to embrace this weekend as a gift, a rare opportunity.  Thankful that he knows that he can never be mommy.

My prayer is that I will return from this retreat refreshed, renewed and rejoicing in the Provision of our Lord.  Won’t you pray with me?

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