fill me up

Days like today I know I just can’t.  Can’t possibly have enough energy, can’t possibly have enough time.  Can’t get it all done.  Can’t have the patience.  Can’t do, can’t be. Last night was a long night and I woke up knowing this.  Deep in my bones.  And sometimes it’s the best thing — to know from the beginning, flat out, without the practice of trying to make it on my own.  I can’t.

So I call out — first thing.  As I’m nursing the littlest while we break in the day together I ask to be filled.  Dear Lord, it has to be you today.  I’m laying myself out, putting it before you Lord.  The grunge, the grime.  This weakness can be ugly.  But you, Lord, are beautiful, and make all this ugly into something majestic.  I’m so tired, so spent.  So utterly exhausted.  But He is enough.  He provides just what I need.

Today it was good friends to come into my home and bake with me.  The kids joined in and made a sloppy mess of my kitchen.  On my own, I would have been frustrated with the project.  I would not have had enough energy to even attempt this.  But instead, the Lord blessed us.  He redeemed this time.  And we have yummy treats to enjoy together, and the house smells delicious.  The kids played the morning away, and we are reaping the benefits, now having our deserved down time.

I need to be mindful of the Lord’s provision — always.  I just need to look for it.  He wants to bless me, bless us — if I’ll only let Him.

update:

ooooo — I need to post-script. I realize this may sound a bit like “look what God does for ME” but more what I mean is how in my asking for help, from God, from friends, I am able to humble myself, and through this God does a good work IN me, and then THROUGH me, to affect those around me. Instead of snapping and yelling at my little ones, I can rely on His Spirit to spill out of my crevices. Thus, resulting in more patience, more energy, etc. Does this make more sense?

ugh. just working it out through writing it out. and in my scrambled mind are scrambled thoughts. yikes.

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